Lard Hellfudge Lyrics

You never know when it says you gotta go (hellfudge)
To them cheap motels down in Baton Rouge (hellfudge)
Roll down the window of the limousine (hellfudge)
"I'll pay you fifteen bucks if you'll perform for me (hellfudge)
I ain't givin' you one penny more--
Gonna buy another TV station for the Lord"


Can you imagine what it's like to have to flash and pose (hellfudge)
While a fat tv preacher sits and beats off in front of you? (hellfudge)
Same one who's so obsessed with with anti-smut crusades (hellfudge)
"Oh Lord, someone let the air out of my tires! (hellfudge)
I'm stuck with my pants down, red-handed in sin
But with money like mine, the Lord always forgives--me!"


When I'm dictator, you will all be under the thumb of Jesus
The law of the bible is the law of the land
Executions for witchcraft televised live at five
All rock and roll is pornography
And let's not forget that coed swimming--phooey!
Promotes problems of the flesh
Problems of the flesh
Problems, the flesh, the flesh, I can't stand it anymore!

My fundamentalist army's crackin' down full swirl (hellfudge)
Polyester suit nazis will control the world (hellfudge)
If you think Khomeini is a step back in time (hellfudge)
Just wait til I decide what you read and who dies (hellfudge)
You think we're finished, boy you must be queer
We get a little stronger every year
When I bilk your money I'm moral, man
But I got a little problem, I just can't say no to that--


"So take off them clothes. Slowly now, slowly
And twitch your little pink flounder just like that
Yehhhh, just like they do in all the smut rags I pretend to hate so much
Bite down real hard, bite down real--smile, slut! I own you
Look humiliated, and try to cry
Look humiliated, and try to cry
I despise you! I despise you so much I hate myself!
Mmmmmm! Tastes almost as good as one of them green bubblegum cigars
Yeah! Hellfudge. Whole lotta shakin' goin' on in here
But don't tell my cousin, okay?
Wooo. Goodness gracious, great balls of fire! Hellfudge!"

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