| | Your Horoscope For Today Lyrics Artist(Band):Weird Al Yankovic
There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a day Pisces Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus You are the true Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say Aries The look on your face will be priceless when you find that forty pound watermelon in your colon Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a hickey to Meryl Streep Taurus You will never find true happiness - what you gonna do, cry about it? The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep That's your horoscope for today -ay -ay -ay -ay -ay That's your horoscope for today That's your horoscope for today -ay -ay -ay -ay -ay That's your horoscope for today Gemini Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence Your love life will run into trouble when your fiancé hurls a javelin through your chest Cancer The position of Jupiter says you should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver's test Leo Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face, oh no Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Quik Virgo All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent - except for you Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled upon a stick That's your horoscope for today -ay -ay -ay -ay -ay That's your horoscope for today That's your horoscope for today -ay -ay -ay -ay -ay That's your horoscope for today Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true. Where was I? Libra A big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more talented than you Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week Scorpio Get ready for an unexpected trip when you fall screaming from an open window Work a little bit harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freak Sagittarius All your friends are laughing behind your back (kill them) Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got hanging in your den Capricorn The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but you know they're lying If I were you, I’d lock my doors and windows and never never never never never leave my house again That's your horoscope for today -ay -ay -ay -ay -ay That's your horoscope for today That's your horoscope for today -ay -ay -ay -ay -ay That's your horoscope for today That's your horoscope for today -ay -ay -ay -ay -ay That's your horoscope for today That's your horoscope for today -ay -ay -ay -ay -ay That's your horoscope for today If you find some error in Your Horoscope For Today Lyrics, would you please submit your corrections to me? Thank You. Review about Your Horoscope For Today Taurus is me | Reviewer: Amanda | 11/25/09 this song scares me. it is tottally right when it says "You will never find true happiness - what you gonna do, cry about it?" because so far, i haven't founds true happiness because my boyfriend keeps dumping me, comes back, flirts with other girls, loses intrest with me, and then dump me again. :'( lolololololololololololol | Reviewer: Ragenzen Muramasa | 8/18/09 Hehe, I'm a gemini, and so far, none of that has come true =P in fact, my b-days don't get ruined by explosive flatulence, they actually induce farting competitions. xD And I don't have a fiance (only 16) so she can't throw a javelin through my chest. =P ^.^ | Reviewer: Kura | 2/25/09 heh he he - I'm a Scorpio, and the day before I heard this song, I was talking to my friend about falling out windows... :) it's a little weird, but awesome. Let's see... my sister is a libra... she does still have her appendix... and she does seem to miss out on a lot of things despite her talents. Oh, brother Sagitterius! You know, I found this song through an AMV on youtube, and the line used in it was; All your friends are laughing behind your back (kill them) which is definitely my favourite line. But what has he done??? Dad's born on an edge... and mum's a Scorpio like me. My cat is an born in Janurary, so he's an aquarius... I guess he can replace whack-a-mole with pouncing on mice... ^.^ mine sucks... | Reviewer: Deirdre | 12/9/08 I'ma scorpio... I already almost fell out of a window once... This is what my horoscope is "Scorpio Get ready for an unexpected trip when you fall screaming from an open window Work a little bit harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freak". I also have very low self-esteem sometimes... Sagittarius or Capricorn? | Reviewer: Rachel | 2/13/08 I dunno what i am, I am born on the edge that goes from Sagittarius to capricorn! Does that mean I should Kill my friends then lock my doors and windows? Oh well, if it is a horoscope it ought to be true. Oh yeah, great song... friend... *Walks away with axe in hand* J'adore ca !! | Reviewer: melanie | 1/12/08 lol i am inlove with this song !!!!!!!! therws travel in my future when my tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus .i have to fill the void in my pathetic life by playing whack-a-mole 17 hours a day !!......ok ! hahah | Reviewer: jake donoghy | 1/10/08 I'm capricorn and I found this pretty funny. A great song for everyone to laugh at themselves. Be right back I have to go lock my doors forever. lol hi | Reviewer: John Howard | 1/1/08 **cough...*** ***cough...*** B*** S*** Im Taurus and that is bs The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep and of course that will happen unless i die then i wont know that it didnt work so it doesnt really matter, but some other r gay!!! DOUBT IT | Reviewer: Anonymous | 11/29/07 Isuck at dancing, if thats 4 real, then all the princes, queens and decent dancers all died in a plague. FYI if u dont get it, im pisces eh, at least im still alive unlike my good bro virgo, and my friend Gemini. Thinking of u always anyway great song virgo | Reviewer: Anonymous | 9/9/07 Ima virgo 2, the first time i heard this song i thot he was complimenting sum1 and i started nodding, then he said "except for you" and i started laughing my head off lmao Review By Pages: 1 2 Review the song Your Horoscope For Today The area is only for review, if you want to submit the lyrics or the corrections of the lyrics, please click the link at the end of the lyrics.  Download "Weird Al Yankovic" Music | |
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