Y-O-U Biography

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A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, Y-O-U was formed in the luscious Universe of Terror, controlled by the then all-powerful Tsar Oomalots and his queen, Peaches Marie. Oomalots and Peaches Marie outlawed music in the Universe of Terror, and everyone was very sad.

According to legend, the members of Y-O-U were born under anonymous political supporters of Sans-Serif Treble Clef, who was the Kingdom's old music scribe and was ousted from his position as Secretary of Rock when the new music-hating dynasty began its rule. Sans-Serif vowed to stop Oomalots and Peaches Marie, and overthrow their ridiculous new law.

In a sound-proof underground dwelling, the followers of Sans-Serif quietly made music, always concealing their instruments, fearing the loss of their vocal chords as the punishment for disobeying the Tsar. Among these talented outlaws were five boys. From these five young musicians, Sans-Serif saw promise and hope for a day when, in the future, his people would be free to sing pop standards anywhere they choose once again.

Sans-Serif gathered the boys together and revealed a special power to them, for he knew they were his last chance at stopping the evil Tsar. He presented them with the sacred Instruments of Rock, golden instruments blessed with the powers of the great Rock God. Before this moment, no one knew what happened to these instruments. As property of the former dynasty, it was believed that Oomalots and Peaches Marie had them destroyed as their first political act. Somehow, Sans-Serif Treble Clef had them replaced with decoys, and he managed to keep them, knowing that he would need them someday to restore music to the land. To Peter, he gave the Golden Bass of Power. Nick was given the Golden Microphone of Awesomeness. Matthew received the Golden Guitar of Wonder. The Golden Keyboard of Coolness was presented to Eric. And the Drums of Thunder were given to Mark. "Take these," said Sans-Serif, "And rock." He then named them "Y-O-U", an ancient sacred music term, which no one to this day can decipher, but must have meant something awesome.

Y-O-U marched into the palace of the Tsar at the capital of the Reign of Terror, demanding to see the Tsar. The guards, outraged by the presence of these children committing the crime of holding instruments, tried to have them arrested. "Hark!" Nick shouted into the microphone. That one work made the palace walls shake, and the guards immediately hesitated. Y-O-U realized that these Instruments of Rock were much more powerful than they thought. They all broke into song, shaking the palace, and making the windows shatter in the hallway. The guards reluctantly agreed to let them see Oomalots and Peaches Marie.

In the throne room, Y-O-U boldly ascended the stairs to the throne. They demanded permission to rock. Tsar Oomalots laughed at the boys. They began playing a few notes, and the palace began to shake, giving the rulers a small demonstration of their power. Knowing they could bring the house down, Peaches Marie urged Oomalots to consider changing the law, but the stubborn Tsar refused. And with that, Y-O-U played their hardest, destroying the great palace. Sans-Serif Treble Clef rushed into the city just in time to see the Tsar emerge from the rubble. All the people of the kingdom were witness to the true Power of Rock.

Oomalots and Peaches Marie were captured and kept in a large cage in a punk music record store for the rest of their existence, and Sans-Serif was made the new Tsar of the Galaxy of Terror. Everyone worshipped the band that saved their land from lack of music. Statues of each of the boys were immediately erected for the new palace. Unfortunately, Sans-Serif neglected to mention one thing to them. The Instruments of Rock were so powerful that if anyone were to ever use them, as Y-O-U did, their power would grow greater and greater until they would no longer be able to even sit down without destroying an entire city. "You will always be loved and honored here, but you must go forth into the world to places that can handle your awesomeness," Sans-Serif explained. "Go, boys, and take your Instruments...show the universe the true meaning of Rock!"

Y-O-U, using their new powers through the Golden Bass of Power, the Golden Microphone of Awesomeness, the Golden Guitar of Wonder, the Golden Keyboard of Coolness, and the Golden Drums of Thunder, traveled across countless galaxies for years and years until they reached the planet Earth. They settled in the small, humble city of Atlanta, where they play the Instruments of Rock to this day in their long-enduring mission to make the universe a better place through Rock.

Every word of this is true. They only want you to think they’re from Indiana.

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-------- 11/24/2014
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