ALEXISONFIRE BIOGRAPHY


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Alexisonfire Biography
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Source: http://www.theonlybandever.com

Alexisonfire was the brain child of Helcama von shnowsitz, a reclusive Norwegian doctor. Dr. Helcama had advance knowledge of cloning and test tube human production.

One day he grew weary of the constant pressures of the outside world so he drew up plans to make a lethal hit squad of 5 Catholic school girls who would bring down the capitalist regime that had crushed his will to live. But unfortunately during the cloning process he spilled a vile of what is known in the scientific world as AGENT X606.(two parts lysol, one part jack Daniels) into the cloning tanks. this had a drastic effect on his children of destruction. what he thought to be girls were turning into boys. mildly unattractive boys.

The first of the lethal creations to gain consciousness was one that was given the name "Dallas", after the successful mid 80's soap opera, a favorite of Dr. Helcamas. Dallas was a mild mannered young man who displayed great skills with the guitar and had a lovely singing voice. The next to emerge was a husky foul mouthed, sarcastic, but highly intelligent young man who was named wade. he instantly took to the guitar as well but he played a much scarier brand of music and instantly corrupted Dallas.

The next to come was named Jesse. Jesse was destructive and broke everything around him so Dr Helcama placed him behind a set of drums which he instantly fell in love with. Jesse also had the super power of consuming great quantities of sandwiches and granola bars and never ever gaining weight. A child named George was the next to awaken. George was resentful of the Doctor and refused to play any instruments, instead George took to screaming and yelling. The last child was young Chris. Chris may have been insane.but he also may have been brilliant. Chris played the bass and he seemed to be able to function with out any sleep what so ever.

After Dr. Helcama was finished his studies of the boys he thought it would be too risky to unleash them upon the world so he loaded his gun and decided to destroy the boys and any proof of their existence. George became aware of the doctors plans and was the first to strike. The doctor was hog tied and thrown off a bridge never to know that he created the greatest rock band of all time. The group of genetic miscreants decided to start a band.Dallas stepped forth with a name. Since Dallas had no mother he had taken to watching lactating pornography...

and thus ALEXISONFIRE, the band, was born.

This is the same as above, except i'd like to ad that Jesse no longer plays with Alexisonfire, and they have a new drummer named Jordan Hastings...check out their website for information.

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Thanks to Joe for submitting the biography.

Would you please submit the latest Alexisonfire biography to me? Thank You.

Review about Alexisonfire

AOF F'in rules! | Reviewer: kike | 11/20/2008

I knew about this band....4 or 5 years ago....they fucking rule!!!
I wish they came down to MX....little "emo" kids over here dont know nothing else but MCR and Alesana....
they're good, but I preffer AOF over them!
cool bio, by the way...

it's hard to find a better band | Reviewer: Overlord | 3/30/2008

the band is bloody brilliant, with a mix of Punk Rock and screamo vocalists there's something in this band for everyone. Described in magazines as a "one of a kind band," you don't easily come across a band as powerful as this in their music. songs you HAVE to listen to: This could be anywhere in the world, We are the Sound, Accidents, Water Wings.

never seen them but they r so COOL+AWSOME | Reviewer: Anonymous | 9/1/2007

their songs are awsome i love 'we are the end' it is so cool 'this could be anywhere in the world' is pretty good as well. 'counter parts and number them' is cool. seeya peoples

Seeing them in November... | Reviewer: Dan | 8/5/2007

These guys fucking rock! I love there songs pulmonary archery and this could be anywhere in the world! dnt c y there coming to a shitwhole lyk bristol though...

6/5 stars | Reviewer: Jason | 7/20/2007

Alexisonfire is a post-hardcore band. They've got the elements of both hardcore punk and screamo but have molded themselves into a group that isn't scared of using long instrumental parts to express themselves artistically instead of just releasing angst. This is most evident in their first self-titled album, but is continued in Watch Out!

Their maturity has allowed them to create music that follows an almost epic journey, from start to finish, as impressively shown in songs such as Pulmonary Archery and Sharks and Danger.

But like many other bands, they can't keep playing the same style of music for eternity. The genre has become too mainstream and predictable for that to happen. What's amazing is that Alexisonfire can retain their earlier melodic hardcore style but package it as something catchier, faster, less intricate than before, but fuller in sound, all in their latest album, Crisis.

Meanwhile, their fame hasn't let them stray from their Canadian roots. The music video for Accidents was filmed in Toronto, and the album cover and artwork for Crisis are pictures of a snowstorm from their hometown area of St. Catherine's, Ontario. They do as many shows in Canada as they do anywhere else, if not more, and they travel to play in cities which don't get the regular attention of other major concert tours. Finally, their team-up with Moneen produced the Switcheroo Series which is an amazing album. So awesome in fact that I first thought Tonight I'm Going to Wash the Hippy (Tonight I'm Gone cover) was originally played by AOF. Alexisonfire is truly one of Canada's most talented groups right now.

Alexisonfire is greatt | Reviewer: Great band. | 7/5/2007

Yeah, they're pretty amazing. But they're not screamo, for everyone who says they are and what not. It's hardcore, screamo is UnderOATH (Who by the way is amazing), just a tidbit of info there. I love their idea of getting a permanent tattoo and you recieve free admission into their concerts, that's like, wow, nice. I love every song, but I love Rough Hands, White Devil, and Boiled Frogs. All of their albums are amazing, I have 22 of their songs and have listened to them all at least 5 times, since I sometimes listen to one or two songs, rather than play the whole artist. In my opinion, Alexisonfire is one of the best (post) hardcore bands ever.

Amazing live, great new sound with immense talent and meaningful lyrics | Reviewer: James | 1/27/2007

What more do you want in a band? These guys are frigging awesome. I saw them in Charlottetown (thanks for coming to this hole, guys) and I had the best time! Their songs are full of energy and emotion that made the crowd go wild!

I recommend all of their albums, and check out Dallas Green's solo act, City in Colour (canadian spelling) 's new album. Apparently this guy didn't know he could sing before joining Alexisonfire. I'm glad he found out for us :)

AOF | Reviewer: Joeè | 1/26/2007

AOF is fricken amazing This is one of the BEST BANDS in the WORLDDDDDDDDDDD JOIN THE AOF ARMY ON MYSPACE CHECK IT OUT www.myspace.com/alexisonfire

omgoshhh | Reviewer: ----loriii | 12/18/2006

k i like totally love alexisonfire! omgosh they are just soo amazing. umm and it's george petit not logan. dont get that wrong cuz he's like totally hott! yeah so why is there a pic of dallas only on the bio? anyways lol . awesome band, awesome performances, awesome music, awesome records. all of them! woot for aof bitchessss

BEST BAND ON EARTH | Reviewer: AOF Freak | 10/20/2006

If your into the punk/rock music craze you should definently check out there new CD crisis. Every song has exquisit lyrics and crazy fast tempo...well...except one...So if you like them get out there and buy all 3 CDs, There self titled one, Watch out, and Crisis.

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