The Vatican Rag Lyrics - Tom Lehrer

Review The Song (5)



First you get down on your knees,
Fiddle with your rosaries,
Bow your head with great respect,
And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect!

Do whatever steps you want, if
You have cleared them with the Pontiff.
Everybody say his own
Kyrie eleison,
Doin' the Vatican Rag.

Get in line in that processional,
Step into that small confessional,
There, the guy who's got religion'll
Tell you if your sin's original.
If it is, try playing it safer,
Drink the wine and chew the wafer,
Two, four, six, eight,
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Time to transubstantiate!

So get down upon your knees,
Fiddle with your rosaries,
Bow your head with great respect,
And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect!

Make a cross on your abdomen,
When in Rome do like a Roman,
Ave Maria,
Gee it's good to see ya,
Gettin' ecstatic an'
Sorta dramatic an'
Doin' the Vatican Rag!



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Two, four, six, eight, Time to transubstantiate! | Reviewer: Anonymous | 8/15/13

Boy them was the days. there were rag songs all over the place another one was also popular and pis_ed people off went "1-2-3-4 what are we fighting for don't ask me I don't give a damn next stop is veitnam" etc. Back in the day when the usa really was the greatest nation and we kept the republicons and investment bankers in check. I went to catholic school also and i wager that except for the teachers pet most catholics thought this song was pretty funny especially using words like transubstantiate whew!! what a vocabulary Tom had . We got religion 6 days a week which put most sane kids on mea culpa overload. i don't know what happened to evangelicals??? why they think you need a moment for jesus. i think he would laugh at this song. seems to me he said to take care of the needy not his ministry. whoops thats what happens when you get old and cranky a lot of us get pissed off by hypocrits. hey kids do what your supposed to do and take this old song and do a punk or rap version of it it would be great. Tom would love it too! ronnie s

laughed so much! when was this song made? | Reviewer: Anonymous | 9/15/12

I just heard this song for the first time last night n comedy radio. I was rolling wwith laughter. my sister in law was raised under cathloic religion but I think if she heard this song shed laugh her butt off!

jug band | Reviewer: bill | 4/1/11

I was playing in a jug band decades ago, and one of the folks in the bar dumped a picture of beer on me with the comment that "that's not funny..." and I am a survivor of my first 8 years of Catholic school. And I did get my fair share of Sister Francis Joseph's ruler, you learned or you died...

Pre-Vatican 2 - yep, dem days is dese days! | Reviewer: Chrys | 3/20/06

It's astounding how much we forget... as those of us who were children during Vatican 2 remember, Catholicism really did used to be like this. And it's getting more and more like this today! I'm in Florida, near where they are building Ave Maria University, and so many of the kids are filled with self-righteous indignation over slight variations from the GIRM that it would be funny if it weren't so sad. They're learning Latin in school instead of the Spanish that would help us in ministry. Sigh. One cannot serve both God and Mammon, but we have excellent people in Collier County who are adept at relieving those who are burdened by the wealth entrusted to them by the bounty of God! More sighs... the next agenda item they have for the poor guy who founded Domino's Pizza is putting together yet another bank, if you can believe it. Ave Maria, guess it's good to see ya!

Vatican Rag, take me away | Reviewer: Sheri Wenzel | 9/13/04

Oh, my Gosh!!! I can't believe I found this entry on the internet. I haven't heard (or seen, in this case) this song in thirty years - however, as a Catholic, who married a Lutheran, this song has history. My uncle (catholic) played this for my soon-to-be Lutheran husband back in the mid seventies. They were hosting a bar shower for us. So Catholic, I know. My husband still doesn't understand that a basket of Cheer is not the result of a trip to grocery story down the laundry detergent aisle. DUH!!!!! I had forgotten most of the great lyrics to this song but is was something we talked about alot because when my uncle played it, we all laughed until there were no more tears left. Mind you, it was a room of 58 Catholics and 1 Lutheran. I know you can relate!! Thanks for taking me down a fabulous memory lane. I didn't think that there was anyone left in the world that still remembered this song - or cared!!!!!.



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------ Performed by Tom Lehrer

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------ 10/25/2014

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