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Eminem Criminal Lyrics

Last updated: 09/21/2012 11:28:50 AM

A lot of people ask me.. stupid fucking questions
A lot of people think that.. what I say on records
or what I talk about on a record, that I actually do in real life
or that I believe in it
Or if I say that, I wanna kill somebody, that..
I'm actually gonna do it
or that I believe in it
Well, shit.. if you believe that
then I'll kill you
You know why?
Cause I'm a

You god damn right
Yeah, I'm a CRIMINAL

My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge
That'll stab you in the head
whether you're a fag or lez
Or the homosex, hermaph or a trans-a-vest
Pants or dress - hate fags? The answer's "yes"
Homophobic? Nah, you're just heterophobic
Staring at my jeans, watching my genitals bulging (Ooh!)
That's my motherfucking balls, you'd better let go of em
They belong in my scrotum, you'll never get hold of em
Hey, it's me, Versace
Whoops, somebody shot me!
And I was just checking the mail
Get it? Checking the 'male'?
How many records you expecting to sell
after your second LP sends you directly to jail?
C'mon!-- Relax guy, I like gay men
Right, Ken? Give me an amen (AAA-men!)
Please Lord, this boy needs Jesus
Heal this child, help us destroy these demons
Oh, and please send me a brand new car
And a prostitute while my wife's sick in the hospital
Preacher preacher, fifth grade teacher
You can't reach me, my mom can't neither
You can't teach me a goddamn thing cause
I watch TV, and Comcast cable
and you ain't able to stop these thoughts
You can't stop me from topping these charts
And you can't stop me from dropping each March
with a brand new CD for these fucking retards
Duhhh, and to think, it's just little ol' me
Mr. "Don't Give A Fuck," still won't leave

[Chorus: Eminem (repeat 2X)]

Cause every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime
to tell em what's on my mind - I guess I'm a CRIMINAL
but I don't gotta say a word, I just flip em the bird
and keep going, I don't take shit from no one

My mother did drugs - hard-liquor, cigarettes, and speed
The baby came out - disfigured, ligaments indeed
It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she
Don't dare make fun of that baby cause that baby was me
I'm a CRIMINAL - an animal caged who turned crazed
But how the fuck you supposed to grow up when you weren't raised?
So as I got older and I got a lot taller
My dick shrunk smaller, but my balls got larger
I drink more liquor to fuck you up quicker
than you'd wanna fuck me up for saying the word ...
My morals went thhbbpp when the president got oral
Sex in his Oval Office on top of his desk
Off of his own employee
Now don't ignore me, you won't avoid me
You can't miss me, I'm white, blonde-haired
and my nose is pointy
I'm the bad guy who makes fun of people that die
in plane crashes and laughs
As long as it ain't happened to him
Slim Shady, I'm as crazy as Em
-inem and Kim combined - [*kch*] the maniac's in
Replacing the doctor cause Dre couldn't make it today
He's a little under the weather, so I'm taking his place
(Mm-mm-mmm!) Oh, that's Dre with an AK to his face
Don't make me kill him too and spray his brains all over the place
I told you Dre, you should've kept that thang put away
I guess that'll teach you not to let me play with it, eh?

[Interlude Skit]
Aight look (uh huh) just go up in that motherfucker
get the motherfucking money and get the fuck up outta there
[Em] Aight
I'll be right here waiting on you
[Em] Aight
Yo Em
[Em] What?!
Don't kill nobody this time
[Em] Awwright... god damn, fuck...
(whistling) how you doin'?
[Teller] HI, how can I help you?
[Eminem] Yeah I need to make a withdrawl
[Teller] Okay
[Eminem] Put the fucking money in the bag bitch
and I won't kill you!
[Teller] What? Oh my god, don't kill me
[Eminem] I'm not gonna kill you bitch, quit looking around...
[Teller] Don't kill me, please don't kill me...
[Eminem] I said I'm not gonna fucking kill you
Hurry the fuck up! [*BOOM*] Thank you!

Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in it
So when I rob a bank, run out and just dive in it
So I'll be disguised in it
And if anybody identifies the guy in it
I'll hide for five minutes
Come back, shoot the eyewitness
Fire at the private eye hired to pry in my business
Die, bitches, bastards, brats, pets
This puppy's lucky I didn't blast his ass yet [*dog whines*]
If I ever gave a fuck, I'd shave my nuts
tuck my dick in between my legs and cluck
You motherfucking chickens ain't brave enough
to say the stuff I say, so just tape it shut [*tape unrolls*]
Shit, half the shit I say, I just make it up
To make you mad so kiss my white naked ass
And if it's not a rapper that I make it as
I'ma be a fucking rapist in a Jason mask

[Chorus 2X]

Thanks to Tim for submitting Criminal Lyrics.

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Yes | Reviewer: Amanda | 9/21/12

"Please Lord, this boy needs Jesus, heal this child, help us destroy these demons.. oh and please send me brand new car with a prostitute while my wife is sick in the hospital", I especially like this verse in the song because it's Eminem's humorous way of showing how hypocritical people are (especially religion) and yet how they place judgement upon others (and him) even though in reality they are the ones who need the 'saving'.

<3 | Reviewer: bread | 5/26/11

first off i watch tv ON comcast cable...2nd he doesnt hate gays at all .. .do you how funny this shit is and how funyn it sounds when hes in a room with everyday and this shit comes out of his head and onto paper? the only serious songs he writes is about dre and his own daughter and anyone he loses whose close to him

epiiiic sog | Reviewer: Olly | 12/30/10

yea, I'm a white bi guy, but fuck eminem's beast, anyone who thinks he hates gays completely misses the point of the song, at the start he's just saying how he's seemingly portrait as a criminal. hence the name of the song.

Um. | Reviewer: BK | 12/25/10

I find it doubtful that Eminem genuinely hates gays. A key aspect of Eminems success is his ability to get a rise out of people. He says things to piss people off. Eminem raps about drugs, murder, gays, and politics. "Shit, half the shit I say, I just make it up
To make you mad so kiss my white naked ass" Eminem doesn;t murder or rape people. He doesn't blindly hate gays either(he might be prejudiced, but that's different entirely). Most of his music is sarcasm, not a homophobic call to arms.

criminal best i have ever had | Reviewer: Anonymous | 11/11/10

i was listening eminem his songs more than ten years u know why he is perfect rapper, doing great lyrics actually i always listen eminem. hear me haters of eminem u will not nver see rapper like eminem. me i am from somalia east africa

amazing song | Reviewer: josh | 7/21/10

ive been lisening to em scince infinite and i still think its funny when all the gays and shit were at the grammys protesting against him ha eminem is the most lyrical person thats still in the rap game then ofcourse t.i. ludacris and lil wayne and dont forget about drake

Eminem iz tha shit!! | Reviewer: Pot Head Chuck | 3/17/10

Eminem is a gangsta azz rapper, hez ben my favorite rapper since i was in tha 4th grade. now im in 12th... All his songs are the shit because most of them are freestylez. He was made to be a rapper... slim shady!!! Fuck ICP n all tha fagz.. Slim shady, brain dead like jim brady, im a m80, u little like that kim lady. Im buzzin durty dozen noughty rymer!!!

still a great song, i hate fags too - M or F | Reviewer: Adam Raszynski | 11/20/09

Eminem is so controversial but he does it with humor and wit. The dre beats are key too. Its
refreshing because a lot of ppl feel like he does but we get so polite from work and stuff. Eminem says fucc you to corporate America and speaks his mind, and that's what this song is all about.

Ps I hate fake ppl as much as fags and lez. Thanks eminem for being the opposite of fake.

read and shut up | Reviewer: gonzalo | 8/22/09

i think eminem`s got a good songs but i don`t know why everybody said bullshits about him really it`s a stupid things ya know i am his fan number one since 1999 i like all the lirycs he used to rap in the stage i like ``brain damage and white america motherfuckers ignorants of this forum `` fuck yourselves niggas

Kick ass song | Reviewer: Mike M | 11/4/08

It's been a long time since i've jammed to Em but I popped in the Slim Shady LP the other day and just had to revisit the whole collection. Perfect song to end the Marshall Mathers LP with, funny and witty . . . Em's flow is so smooth and sick its ridiculous

Banging | Reviewer: Ben Adams | 9/24/07


Criminal is a cool song! | Reviewer: Brad Maslen | 6/7/07

Criminal is one of the coolest song I've ever heard and is one of my favourite songs of all time. Its definitely one of Em's best too. I like the idea of the interlude skit, with the bank robbery. The lyrics are quite well put together too.
A classic by Eminem and should have been released as a single and should definitely have a music video.